A Christian View of Sex (Part 2)

This is the second of two sermons on a Christian view of our sexuality. In the previous sermon I said that we have undergone a sexual revolution in the United States. It’s a new world today in regards to sexual attitudes and behavior. I also made two broad, positive statements about sex from a Biblical perspective: 1. Sex is a good gift of God, to be enjoyed and affirmed; and 2. God designed sexual intercourse to take place within the security of a long term, unselfish, total commitment to another person. Let me say more about this second point.

In the Bible, the sexual act is never just a biological function or a physical act. Because we are a unity of body, mind and spirit, whenever we have sex we are bringing our total selves (body/mind/spirit) into that act. The Apostle Paul tries to get this message across in 1 Corinthians, chapter 6. Paul is writing to believers in Corinth, Greece in the first century. There was much sexual promiscuity at that time – prostitutes were part of pagan religions and there were prostitutes in the temples. The apostle Paul is arguing against those who were saying that we should just indulge our sexual appetites and that it’s no big deal to do that. It’s just like eating a meal when we’re hungry.

In 1 Corinthians 6:13 he says, “The body is not mean for fornication but for the Lord”. The word “fornication” in the Greek text is “pornea”, from which we get our word pornography. It means unlawful sexual intercourse, unchastity.

1 Corinthians 6:15-16 says, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Should I therefore take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that whoever is united to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For it is said, ‘The two shall be one flesh’.” When we become a believer, our bodies (our selves) become united to Christ. But if we join sexually with a prostitute, we become one with her! We are spiritually united with her.

According to the Bible, in the sexual act we reveal the hidden mystery of our total self to another. For example, in the Old Testament sexual intercourse is often described by the word “know”. Adam knew his wife, which means Adam had sex with her. Since our deepest, most intimate self is exposed in the sexual encounter, it isn’t something casually passed around. That’s why in the Bible the sexual act is meant to be consummated only within the marriage covenant. Marriage, that one to one commitment for a lifetime, provides the most secure setting in which a man and a woman can come to know and care for each other deeply. By the way, the baby that may be born of this sexual union is a visible symbol of this most intimate, total uniting of two human beings.

The marriage covenant between a man and a woman (including the sex act) mirrors and reflects God’s covenant love for His people. That is why in the Old Testament when Israel turns to other gods, it is referred to as “adultery” – Israel is going a whoring after other gods. For an unmarried Christian to go from one sexual encounter to another is the same as Israel “playing the harlot”. For Christians to have sex with someone other than spouse would be like Christ dumping the Church and giving His love to someone else. So, in the Bible, pre-marital sex is unfaithful sex; extra-marital sex is unfaithful sex. Both are short of God’s design for our happiness and well-being.

In 1 Corinthians 6 the Apostle Paul goes on to remind believers that we belong to Christ, that our body is a temple of God’s Spirit living within us. Verse 18 says we are to shun fornication (sexual immorality). Verses 19-20 say this: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body.”

If we’re disciples of Jesus we are called to live in sexual purity regardless of how permissive or promiscuous the culture around us may be. Yet, it is certainly not easy to live in purity in a sexually obsessed culture like ours. There is a lot of confusion today (even among Christians) over what is appropriate and what is not appropriate, what is normal and what is not normal sexually. Christian psychologist Dr. Archibald Hart has written an excellent book called The Sexual Man. Dr. Hart did extensive research on a select group of men – men who are religious and of high moral standards, including a number of Protestant clergy. The book gives us a wealth of information about these types of men and their sexuality today. For example, when asked how often they think about sex, 16% of these men said they think about it hourly, and 61% said they think about it daily. Almost 80% of these good men think about sex at least daily! Dr. Hart’s research also showed that many decent and moral men today are struggling with their sexuality.

I think of my years growing up. I was raised in a good home, a loving home, and yet as I look back, the messages I got about sex in some ways were not very healthy. It’s not always been easy through the years for me to have a healthy attitude about sex. I really do think that we need to be more open in the church about this area of our life.

I want to say some things to those of us who are married. A healthy sex life can strengthen the bond between husband and wife. It can help them feel that their relationship is private and special, different from the relationship they have with any other person. But just being married does not mean that our sex life is going to be joyful and fulfilling as God intended.

On July 20th, 1969 astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon were televised to earth and heard by millions. We may remember that famous line: “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” But just before he reentered the Lunar Module, Armstrong made a strange and enigmatic remark: “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark about some Soviet Cosmonaut, but they checked and found out that there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space program.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” meant, but each time he would just smile. It was only on July 5th, 1995, when Neil Armstrong was questioned again by a reporter about the comment, that he finally told people what he meant. Mr. Gorsky had now died and the story could be told. In 1938 when Neil Armstrong was a kid in a small Midwestern town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky! As young Neil Armstrong leaned over to pick up the ball he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky: “Sex! You want sex! You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

Well, maybe that’s a description of what sex is like in some of our marriages! Seriously, sometimes couples differ in the amount of sex they need and expect, which can put a real strain on the marriage. And then there are times of illness, or the stress of caring for children, or fatigue from working – all of which can hinder our love-making.

Here are a few thoughts for married couples. First, work on good communication. Learn to tell each other what you want and what you need sexually. Listen to what your partner says without getting defensive. Open, honest communication is so important in every aspect of marriage, and certainly in regards to our sexual interests and needs.

Second, remember that men and women are different. You may think, “How profound.” But really, men and women differ in our sexual response. For men, sex is more a physical thing. We are quick to arouse and quick to want to move on to something else. For women, sex is more an emotional thing. It is connected with tenderness and romantic feelings. Women take longer to warm up and to cool down. Sometimes we just fail to keep in mind that God has created men and women differently in our sexual response.

Third, one of the keys is to try to seek our partner’s satisfaction more than our own. God wants sex in marriage to be mutually satisfying and for us to honor each other’s needs. The Apostle Paul is very realistic about this. In 1 Corinthians 7:5-6 he says, “Do not deprive each other (sexually) except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Here are some words for those of us who are not married. When we talk about “single” people this takes in a broad spectrum of situations and needs. It can be the 13 year old in the early stages of puberty, the 35 year old woman just separated or divorced, or the 70 years old who has never married. Obviously, sexual needs and interests of single persons vary greatly. For some single persons, controlling their sexual urges is no problem. For other unmarried people, sexual desires can cause great frustration and even torment.

So much could be said, but let me just make a few brief comments. God has created us so that there are some natural ways of relieving sexual tension. One of these is through sublimation. Sublimation is where we channel sexual energies into socially acceptable outlets, such as sports, dating, jogging, music, art, school activities, dances, etc. Another natural outlet for sexual needs, at least for boys and men, is nocturnal emissions or “wet dreams”.

Let me say some words about masturbation. Virtually all males in adolescence masturbate, and most do at times even into adulthood. The majority of females masturbate, although later and usually less frequently than do males. Masturbation is no big bad sin. There is nothing in the Bible forbidding this. There is no physical harm involved. Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family has said that masturbation is apparently not much of an issue with God since it isn’t even mentioned in the Bible. Masturbation in itself is not harmful nor sinful, but it can cause problems if it produces an excessive amount of guilt or self-loathing, or if a person becomes so compulsive about it that this hinders normal social relationships.

I honestly do not feel that there are easy answers for single people struggling with their sexual desires in a highly sexualized society like ours. One factor today is that boys and girls are reaching puberty at an earlier age and marrying at a later age, so that there is a much larger gap of time before one has a permanent sexual partner. Having pre-marital sex is certainly not the answer. One of the most important things is that we share our sexual struggles with someone, such as a counselor or trusted friend, so that we don’t have to face these dilemmas alone.

I want to comment on cohabitation, or living together before marriage. In our American culture cohabitation has become for many just a normal step one takes before getting married. Couples decide to live together for various reasons, such as to save money, to see if they are suited for one another, or to avoid making a commitment to marry. What we’re finding, however, is that living together is not producing very positive results!

Counselor and newspaper columnist Dr. Laura recently featured a column entitled “Living together is bad for adults and terrible for children.” She noted research which has been done at the University of Washington, the University of Denver, and by the National Institute of Mental Health, which shows the following:

women in cohabiting unions are more than twice as likely to be the victims of domestic violence than married women

cohabiting women have rates of depression more than 3 times higher than married women, and more than twice as high as other unmarried women

couples who lived together prior to marriage have significantly higher divorce rates than couples who didn’t live together

U.S. News & World Report recently reported that couples living together experience more cheating by both partners

a study in Britain related cohabiting couples to child abuse. The incidence of child abuse was an astonishing 33 times higher when the mother was living with a boyfriend unrelated to her children, and 10 times higher when the live-in boyfriend was the father of one or more of her children

Even aside from seeing living together as morally wrong, the living together before marriage experiment is just not working! It is a stupid thing to do!

Some of us hearing this sermon may be living together and not married. Or, we may be parents of children who are living together, and perhaps are feeling rather ashamed that our children have chosen to do this. We parents should realize, of course, that our children make their own decisions, and we cannot control what our grown children choose to do.

If you are living together and not married it does not mean you are a really bad person. My purpose is not to condemn you, but I would say this to you: If you are serious about being a follower of Jesus, how can your living together unmarried bring glory to Him and show that you are obeying His commands?

Well, so much more could be said about our sexuality as it relates to our Christian faith. I could talk about the growing numbers of people today who are sexually addicted. I have not said anything about homosexuality. I have decided not to preach on homosexuality, because no matter what I say, it will be misunderstood or misinterpreted. However, let me speak from a pastor’s heart. If you in any way are struggling with homosexuality, if you are a young person and confused about feelings you have for people of the same sex, if you have someone in your family who is gay – I want you to know that my door is always open for you to come in and talk. I am a good listener, and I believe you will find that my office is a safe place for you to share what is on your mind or heart.

Regardless of how much we may remember about the content of these two sermons on sex, if nothing else I hope that it will help to create an atmosphere in the church where we can be more honest and open about this part of our life.

Maybe there are some of us who have really messed up in the area of sex. We have made poor choices. We have turned this beautiful gift of God into something ugly and sordid. Jesus can help us. He offers forgiveness and strength to live differently. Actually, none of us is without fault or sin. Who of us can say that we are 100% pure in our thought life or sexual desires?

Do you remember the story in John 8 where very religious scribes and Pharisees drag to Jesus a woman caught right in the middle of committing adultery. They bring this humiliated woman before Him and say, “The law of Moses commands that she be stoned to death. What do you say?” Jesus responded: “OK, go ahead and stone her. Let him who is without sin throw the first rock!” Gradually, they all left. Jesus was alone with the woman. He asked whether there were no accusers left to condemn her. She said, no one, Lord. Then Jesus replied, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” Jesus still speaks those words to us: “Neither do I condemn you” (He forgives us). But “go and sin no more” (that’s our part – we must live differently).

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