“Questions About Life and God” Part 8
"There's so much sex today. Is that wrong?"

This is the last in this series of 8 messages where we've been looking at some of the questions people are asking about God and life. Today's question is: "There's so much sex today. Is that wrong?"

Notice, the premise of this sermon is that "there is so much sex today". What do I mean by that? Well, certainly I'm not saying that sex is new! Sex has been around a long time! It's always been a part of life.

But I think there's a difference today, at least in our American culture. The cover story on the February 12th issue of Newsweek magazine was titled, "The Girls Gone Wild Effect". There's a photo of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. The sub-heading says, "Out of control celebs and online sleaze fuel a new debate over kids and values." The article begins, "Growing Up in An X-Rated Age. Sex is everywhere…"

It says a Newsweek poll indicated that 84% of adults said sex plays a bigger role in popular culture today than it did 20 or 30 years ago. The article goes on to explore the effect this may be having on our children.

There's much evidence to suggest that there's more of an obsession with sex today and that sexual themes and images are flooding and pervading just about every aspect of American culture. We see this in films, in advertising, in TV programming, in magazines, in music, and on the Internet. I would hope we're all aware of the fact that we are being bombarded all the time with explicit or implicit sexual messages and images. Ours is an overly sexualized culture.

So what about this? Is all of this bad?

First, let me say clearly: sex is not bad! In fact, our sexuality is a gift of God. God created us sexual beings. Now "sex" is not just the physical act of intercourse – it is much more encompassing. It has to do with our being male and female, and being attracted to one another, and enjoying holding hands or hugging. These are wonderful gifts of God!

The Song of Solomon in the Old Testament, for example, is Hebrew love poetry. It revels in the passionate love of a bridegroom for his bride! He says, "How beautiful you are, my love, how very beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats, moving down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them is bereaved. Your lips are like a crimson thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in courses; on it hang a thousand bucklers, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that feed among the lilies….how sweet is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips distill nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the scent of your garments is like the scent of Lebanon" (Song of Solomon 4:1-5,19-11).
And she says to her beloved, "Sustain me with raisins, refresh me with apples; for I am faint with love. O that his left hand were under my head, and that his right hand embraced me!" (Song of Solomon 2:5-6).

I'm sorry whenever the Church or Christians have conveyed a negative message about our sexuality, or come across as prudes or people ashamed of our erotic feelings. Unfortunately throughout history the Church has not had a very good track record in affirming and celebrating the inherent goodness of our human sexuality.

But I'm afraid that a lot of the sex that comes at us today is a distortion of this beautiful treasure that God has given us. I once heard a story about someone who learned to ride a bike, but the handlebars were crooked. Finally, after riding the bike a long time that way, someone straightened them out - and the person had a difficult time staying up on the bike. The distortion became the norm. In some ways that's a parable of sexuality in our American culture: the distortion has become the norm!

Let’s take a few minutes and look at what God intends for our sexuality. According to the Scriptures, sexual intercourse is intended for marriage - where a man and a woman have made a total, life-long commitment to each other.

First of all, sex in marriage establishes the one-flesh union described in Genesis 2:24-25.
"Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed." In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul says that when we have sex with someone, we are uniting with that person in the totality of our being. "The body is meant not for fornication but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Should I therefore take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that whoever is united to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For it is said, 'The two shall be one flesh.' But anyone united to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Shun fornication! Every sin that a person commits is outside the body; but the fornicator sins against the body itself" (1 Corinthians 6:13b-18). "Fornication" in these verses means premarital sex or sexual sin.

In Biblical teaching, sex is never just a physical act. There is no such thing as "casual sex". Sexual intercourse is an intimate fusion with another person's body and soul, and this profound act is not meant to be passed around with just anyone. For a Christian, whose body is a dwelling place of God’s Spirit, and who is part of the Body of Christ, to unite in sex with someone other than one’s marriage partner would defame the Lord.

Second, sex in marriage is intended for pleasure. We've already looked at the Song of Solomon. Look at Proverbs 5:18-19: "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely dear, a graceful doe. May her breasts satisfy you at all times; may you be intoxicated always by her love."

Third, sex in marriage is for the purpose of procreation - for the begetting of children. God tells Adam and Eve, "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28).

God designed sex for marriage. Now some of you are thinking, "Harry, you've got to be kidding. That's not what is happening today. You’re so out of touch with reality!" But remember the bicycle! The crooked handlebars! Just because crooked handlebars are the norm, it doesn't make them straight.

Let's evaluate some of the sex we're seeing today, using as our frame of reference God's ideal for our sexuality as presented in the Bible.

Let's think a moment about premarital sex. Now I know, the first thing a couple do on TV or in films if they're attracted to each other is to crawl into bed together. That happens in real life too. Many people today engage in premarital sex and see nothing wrong with it. And even some professing Christians think it's OK to have sex before marriage.

A lot of people today live together before they get married. Even professing Christians live together prior to marrying, and don't see anything wrong with it. Unfortunately, some believers have been seduced by the world's values, and have chosen cultural norms over Biblical teaching and truth.

I want to encourage you, if you are single, to keep yourself pure, and refrain from sexual intercourse. If you are a virgin, cherish your virginity and reserve it for the day when you can commit yourself totally to another in the bonds of marriage.

Some of you here may be living together. If you are, I don't love you any less - but I urge you to either separate, or get married (if you're prepared for that step). You have virtually no Christian witness if you say you're a believer and are living together unmarried. You may say, "But we only moved in with one another to save money." Which is more important, convenience or character? Saving money or obeying God?

Pornography is a big issue today. Now men, we’re not first generation of guys to be turned on by pictures of naked women! I once toured an archeological dig of the ruins of ancient Pompeii, and if you paid extra money a guide would give you access to an area where you could see pornographic images etched into the walls of these excavations. I didn't pay the extra money. But with today's technology pornography is readily available to anyone. You can watch premium channels of cable TV, like Cinemax or HBO or Showtime, or surf the Internet in the privacy of your own home.

It's hard to get a grasp on the growth and scope of the pornographic industry. A CBS
News report dated September 5th, 2004 estimated that Americans now spend somewhere around $10 billion a year on adult entertainment. That's as much as we spend attending professional sporting events, buying music, or going to the movies. It is big profit for cable and satellite-dish companies. Hotels and motels offer adult films on their in-room
pay-per-view, and the CBS report claims that these adult films are purchased by 50% of hotel guests, comprising almost 70% of their in-room profits. A 2001 Wall Street Journal article said that the number of pornographic sites on the Internet had risen from 28,000 in 1998 to 280,000 in 2001. It’s now estimated that there are 4.2 million pornographic sites!

The problem with pornography is that it is dehumanizing: it attacks the dignity of men and women, who are created in the image of God, and it treats them as sex objects. It removes sex from the context of real life marital love. And it fuels one's sexual desires in abnormal ways and can lead to more debased perversions.

The reality is that a growing number of people are becoming addicted to pornography. And this is a problem for many Christians also. A front-page article in the Lancaster Sunday News, dated January 28 of this year, was titled, "Not something they talk about in church. Speaker will tackle pornography and how it affects congregations." The speaker referred to is Craig Gross, a pastor who has set up a website called XXXChurch.com - a ministry aimed at helping people to find freedom from pornography. He says the dirty little secret that churches want to hide is that pornography has infiltrated the church as well as society.

Men, let's be honest here. Probably every one of us enjoys looking at sexy women or nude women. Guys just seem to be wired that way. But if we don't put boundaries around this - and especially with the availability of all types of pornography - it's easy to get hooked on this very addictive habit.

I think it's time we quit hiding this in the church, and brought it out into the open. Now while pornography is mostly a male problem, women can also get hooked on sexual addictions. Sexual addiction in women often looks different - it tends to be more in the form of a love-hunger, perhaps compulsively acting out in sexual relationships.

Several churches in our area have support groups for those with sexual addictions. I believe maybe it's time for us to start a support group in this church. If you need help, I want you to call me at my home phone number. 626-1496. And if enough people call, we'll start a group. Your call will be confidential, of course.

Let me say a brief word about homosexuality. This is another area where the "norms" are shifting. There's a broader acceptance in our society of homosexuality, even to the point of recognizing gay marriages. This is an issue that is causing heated debate among Christians and has already split some churches and denominations.

So far, I have not preached an entire sermon on this subject. The main reason is that there is so much emotion around this subject, and some of you have such strong opinions, that it will be hard for you to hear what I say. You'll hear what you want to hear. Perhaps the best way of presentation is where there can be feedback and dialogue. Several years ago we did a Bible study on this subject at a staff meeting and with the Church Council. Perhaps it's time to do that study again with a broader group in the church.

I just want to say a few words from a pastoral perspective. If you're a young person, and you're wondering, "Am I gay?" please speak with an adult whom you trust. I will be glad to listen if you come to me. And, if you are a gay person, or have a gay family member or friend, and want to talk, I would be more than willing to talk with you.

One of the great needs of our time is for people, and particularly Christians, to maintain sexual purity. Followers of Jesus living in the first century, during the period when the New Testament was being written, lived in an overly sexualized society, much like us. There were mystery religions whose followers acted out sexual fertility rites. There were sacred prostitutes associated with some of the pagan temples. Women were very dehumanized in the first century, and many men were free to have sex with women other than their wives. In the midst of that hotbed of sexual perversion, Christians were urged to maintain sexual purity. It must have been difficult!

It's just as difficult today! We are constantly stimulated sexually. We're getting turned on every which way we turn. And today, people are waiting longer before marrying. It's a recipe for disaster!

But this ideal of sexual purity is held out before us. 1 Peter 2:11 says, "Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul."
Hebrews 13:4 says, "Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers."

Hear what the Apostle Paul writes to Christians in Thessalonica: "Finally, brothers and sisters, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus that, as you learned from us how you ought to live and to please God (as, in fact, you are doing), you should do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you know how to control your own body in holiness and honor, not with lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God…for God did not call us to impurity but in holiness" (1Thessalonians 4:1-5,7). Remember, the word "fornication" in this passage means premarital sex or sexual sin.

A lot of us are struggling with our sexual desires, to keep them under control. Please, if
you are struggling, don't try to carry this burden alone. Talk to a friend, talk to a pastor. talk to a counselor. I know, it's often more difficult to reveal a sexual temptation than if we were struggling to overcome another sin – like a bad temper, or a streak of laziness - but don't let that hold you back. If nothing else in this message, I hope that we will take some steps to create an atmosphere in this church where people can get help, and that we can be more open and honest about our temptations, and more compassionate and understanding toward those who are struggling, and those who have fallen.

Jesus had a compassionate heart for those who had fallen into sexual sin. He associated with prostitutes. He forgave a woman caught right in the act of adultery. He said, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more" (John 8:11).

There is forgiveness - total forgiveness - and a fresh start with Jesus.

Harry L. Kaufhold, Jr.
Preached at Lititz United Methodist Church
February 25, 2007

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