Lititz United Methodist Church Sermon Archive

A mother named Linda Rossetti was wearing a brightly striped sweater she had gotten as a gift and was pleased that it seemed to make her look slim and trim. Her 6 year-old son saw her wearing it this particular day and said, “That’s a pretty sweater, Mommy. You look like Wheel of Fortune”. “Thank you, sweetheart”, Linda replied, “but I think you mean that I look like Vanna White.” “No, Mom” he said. “I mean you look like the wheel.”

Isn’t it great having little ones around - changing dirty diapers, hearing them pout and whine, having to lock yourself in the bathroom just to get a moment’s peace, having them grow up to the point where they can insult you without even knowing they are doing it! But there are good things, too, aren’t there!

I am beginning a series of sermons called “Meeting God In the Stages of Life”. On our life journey we go through stages. I want to look at some of the developmental tasks of each stage, some of the issues persons that age face, and what part faith in the Lord can play as we move along on our life journey. Today let’s think about childhood.

The very first developmental task of an infant is to bond with the mother and father, in order to develop basic trust. The baby needs to learn that he or she is welcome and safe in the world. Parents need to provide a consistent, warm, loving and predictable emotional environment for the child. Bonding takes place when the mother (or father or caregiver) responds to the needs that the child has for closeness, for being held, for food, and for changing.

Of course, for new parents, this can be exhausting! Think of the sheer amount of time and energy this little one requires! For first time parents, this can be a real eye-opener. It can be a tough time, especially for the mother. Sometimes there is depression, a sense of isolation, and stress on the husband/wife relationship.

It is so important during a child’s first months that the child receives great amounts of love – expressed in warm physical closeness and stimulation.

Some years ago a psychiatrist named Rene Spitz reported on an extensive amount of research done in a home that housed infants deserted by their parents. The 91 infants there had excellent food and care, yet incredibly 27 died in the first year, and 21 were severely impaired mentally. Although the food and care was excellent, each nurse had 10 children to supervise, so that each infant had only “one tenth of a mother”. Dr. Spitz said that those who died “suffered a gradual breakdown under the stress, beginning with the loss of appetite and sleeplessness, and ending with inability to withstand even minor ailments. Love-starved, they were crippled in the battle for life.”

This example highlights how crucial it is in the first few months to give children loving physical contact and stimulation, and to help them feel safe and welcome in the world. It is so important to respond to them, smile at them, hold them, hug them, and to spend time with them. This is not always easy, especially if parents have jobs outside the home, or have other children to care for.

The Scripture text today is Mark 10:13-16. “People were bringing little children to (Jesus) in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.’ And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.”

People brought children to Jesus so He might touch them. When the disciples wanted to turn them away Jesus was indignant! Jesus welcomed little children! It says He took them in his arms, laid hands on them (notice the physical touch), and blessed them.

Infants need to feel safe and welcomed and warm. However, something begins to happen about the ages of 1 to 3 years. Children start to speak, and they learn that wonderful word no! You parents may swear that this was the first word your child learned, perhaps followed by dada or mama.

What’s happening here is that the toddler (18 months – 3 yrs) is going through a separation stage. In early infancy, a child is merged with its mother. The child has no sense of being a separate self apart from mom (if the baby is breast feeding, the mother is actually at times inside the child!). As toddlers continue to develop they start to see themselves as separate beings. One tangible expression of that is the word “no”.

It is so important for parents to understand this: a child’s “no” does not mean that child is bad, or his sinful nature is exerting itself. It is the child’s first attempts to discover itself as a separate entity. It is something God designed to happen! So already we parents need to pull back a bit, to encourage the child to begin to separate from us, to let the child explore. At this stage parents should not do everything for the child. (Actually, this pulling back should start the last half of the first year in that baby’s life).

Our job is to encourage our children to begin to separate from us and develop their own personalities, but at the same time to set boundaries on what the child is permitted to do or not to do.

Obviously, we can’t let a little child take over and run the show and give in to everything that child wants. Parents need to say their own “no” at times - “No, I’m not allowing you to do this.”

Setting boundaries is a part of the whole process of disciplining our children. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The purpose of discipline is not to punish but to teach. The word discipline comes from the same root as the word “disciple”, which means someone who learns.

I want to make just a few comments on setting boundaries. For smaller children, it is important to physically stop them from doing certain things while we tell them “no”. You can’t reason with a 2 year-old! For example, if a toddler is choking the dog, she doesn’t need a wordy explanation of why it is not good to do that. Rather, the parent might say, “Dogs are not for choking”, and at the same time take the child’s hands away from the poor dog’s neck, and redirect the child’s action into something acceptable. For smaller children, parents’ actions are more effective than words.

Also, it is better to deal with a child’s unacceptable behavior without overreacting. Getting all hyperventilated over something usually makes things worse. It is better to respond in a more detached, calm, firm manner.

Children should be permitted to have all kinds of feelings and wishes, but destructive behaviors should not be allowed. It is good to make a distinction between a child’s wishes and acts. One child psychologist has said, “Most discipline problems consist of two parts: angry feelings and angry acts. Each part has to be handled differently. Feelings have to be identified and expressed; acts may have to be limited and redirected.”

One interesting facet in disciplining toddlers is this: a 2 year old, for example, doesn’t comprehend right and wrong. The parent is at the “oughts” and “shoulds” stage, but when a 2 year old hears a parent say “no” what the child hears is this: “You don’t have the ability to do this”. So it is better for the parent to say, “I know you can, but I won’t let you…”.

Setting boundaries, making clear to children what is permitted and what is not permitted, is an essential part of our loving them and helping them grow up in a safe and healthy atmosphere.

As children continue to grow and mature, some other developmental tasks come into play. Their body skills and motor skills are developing. They start to move away from magical thinking to more rational thinking. Words and language become more reliable.

It is important as the child grows for parents to model what it is to be a man or a woman. Fathers need to model for their sons what it is to be a man; mothers should model for their daughters what it means to be a woman.

Some of these same dynamics that I have already described for the first three years continue as a child progresses into the grade school years. Children still need love that is warm and constant, so that bonding with the parents will continue. Parents need to gradually pull back and allow their children to develop their own sense of self, and to gain confidence in their own abilities. This includes allowing children to disagree with us and be angry with us. Children need to learn that they can be angry with mom or dad, and mom or dad will still be there. Parents also need to continue to set realistic and fair boundaries on their children’s behaviors, even up through the teenage years.

Luke 2:40 describes Jesus as a boy: “The child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him.” I think we all want our children to grow like that - physically, mentally, and spiritually!

I said that in this series of sermons we will look at the various stages of life, some of the developmental tasks, and how our faith can help us.

When we are talking about the childhood stage, it is the faith of the parents or the care-giving adults in that child’s life that is so critical. If children are to grow up into emotionally and spiritually healthy adults so much depends on what they see in us parents.

Realistically, we often fail as parents. Maybe as you read this, you may think of how you are parenting your children, or how you once were as a parent when your children were growing up. Perhaps you are feeling guilty that you didn’t spend enough time with your children, or you messed up in some other way. There is forgiveness! None of us are perfect parents. We can vow with God’s help to be a better mom, a better dad. Or, if our children are grown, perhaps it is not too late to try to build a better relationship with that son or daughter. It is certainly worth the effort!

Then again, perhaps some of us did not get the love we needed when we were young - or at least we feel like we didn’t receive the love we needed. The crucial needs for warmth and love were not met in our earliest years of infancy and childhood. This has a way of leaving its mark on our lives. In some ways, there may be a wounded child in us. John Bradshaw is a noted therapist and author who has done a lot of work on the “inner child”. He says: “When a child’s development is arrested, when feelings are repressed, especially the feelings of anger and hurt, a person grows up to be an adult with an angry, hurt child inside of him (or her). This child will spontaneously contaminate the person’s adult behavior.”

Some of the results of having a wounded child inside can be: undisciplined behaviors, addictions, difficulty with intimacy and relationships, shame or low self-esteem, depression, trust issues, and boundary problems.

By the way, this often affects our feelings about God! It is very hard if a child lacks steady, dependable love from others to feel God’s love, or to trust God. In his book Home Coming Bradshaw tells stories of how people can be changed through Inner Child Workshops, where they are encouraged to get in touch with their wounded child, to revisit those painful feelings, and allow themselves to be loved by others surrounding them.

He tells of a group at one of his seminars, sitting on the floor with arms around each other. An elegant woman in her seventies was reading a letter that her wounded inner child had just written to her mother: “Mother, you were too busy with your charity work. You never had time to tell me you loved me. You paid attention to me only when I was sick or when I was playing the piano and making you proud. You only let me have the feelings that pleased you. I only mattered when I pleased you. You never loved me for myself. I was so alone.” Her voice cracked and she began to cry. The wall of control that she had carefully maintained for 70 years began to fall with her tears. A teenage girl embraced her. A young man told her it was OK to cry.

He tells how in that same workshop, toward the end of that experience, the mood had changed to one of peace and joy. A bank president who had been openly resistant at the start of the workshop told Bradshaw that he had cried for the first time in 40 years. As a child he had been beaten by his father, and he vowed never to be vulnerable or show his feelings. Now he talked about learning to take care of the lonely boy inside him. His face softened, and he looked younger.

Is there a little wounded child inside of you that never found acceptance or love? I want you to know that there is a Jesus who way back when you were born welcomed that child into the world – and can make that child feel accepted and valued!

I want to close this sermon by having us listen to a song, a lullaby. It is called “Welcome Home”. The words of this song can be parents holding their newborn baby, whispering “Welcome Home” – you’ve arrived, and we’re so happy to have you here where you belong!”

It can be the parent looking into the eyes and heart of a grade-school child and saying, “I’m so glad you’re a part of our family. I love you.”

And it well might be the song God sings to that little wounded child in some of us, telling us that He’s so glad He created us, and we’re valued beyond measure!

Meeting God In the Stages of Life – Childhood